Monday, January 26, 2015

Comparison is the thief of joy {part one}

You have heard that before right? Well it really is one of the most true things I have heard to date. Everyday I find myself comparing how I am as a wife, a mother, a friend, and just a woman in general. I'm constantly wishing that I could be different or look different or DO something different. Even though I am clearly still a work in progress I do feel as if I have semi-mastered at least one area, within my means.
I have never been good with money, I mean NEVER. I grew up spoiled, and entitled and whether my mom wants to admit it or not, I got pretty much everything I asked for. Sure that made me happy for a moment, but then I needed more. Shopping was much more than a hobby, to me it was therapy. Long story short, I grew into adulthood thinking money would come easy and I would always be able to afford anything I wanted. I actually rode mommy's coat tails and leaned on her until the day I got married. I still remember asking for monetary help only months into my new marriage and my moms response (for what seemed like the first time ever) was "no." "You're married now, ask your husband." The problem was, my husband is great with money and I knew he wouldn't choose shopping over bills like I would. I sunk into a sad state of cold realization... I could NOT in fact have anything I wanted anymore.
Before I go on, I feel the need to admit that while at the time I thought I was being slapped in the face with reality I was still far from it. You see, my loving husband paid all the bills and the only things that I was responsible for were my car payment (from an expensive vehicle I was upside down in) and gas. I worked full time and made decent money for someone who only pays a couple bills. In other words, I could still shop.
Then we got pregnant.
I always knew that when I had another baby (because I already had my son prior to meeting and marrying my husband) that I would be a stay at home mom. This was non-negotiable for me. I knew this would be my last and I wanted to savor the time with my kids. Oh, and by "savor the time" I meant no alarm clock..... play dates all the with my girlfriends....I could not give birth fast enough. Finally after those long nine months of working I put in my notice, and my daughter was born.
And THIS is when it happened friends.... I finally got slapped into reality.
**sorry to end there but stay tuned for part two coming soon**


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