Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Ultimate Decision Maker

Do you ever think you want something and then God gives you something completely different? All of a sudden you are so glad that he is the one in charge and doing the decision making for you.
I felt this way when I was pregnant with Jaida. I had convinced myself and told everyone who asked "Do you hope it's a girl this time?" that NO, in fact I was sure I wanted another boy. I figured I knew how to handle boys and Jordon would be so much happier with a brother that I truly never even thought that any part of me would love having a daughter. My mind skipped right past the glitter and frill, it didn't even allow me to imagine a future tiny dancer. I never stopped to think about things that I loved and passions I had that could be passed down only to a little girl.
In fact I remember getting frustrated when people would say they just KNEW I was going to have a girl. I loathed the comments about how having a girl was practically necessary after having a boy, as if I would be missing something if I didn't.
I wanted a BOY.
I thought.
The first thing I thought when I was told I was having a girl was " dang it, Jon was right" immediately followed by the fear of not being the princess in the house anymore. Then as soon as we got in the car to drive away I realized....
I wanted a GIRL.
I had wanted a girl the entire time. I hadn't been able to admit to myself and others that I hoped I was having a girl because I didn't want people to feel sorry for me if I had another boy. I didn't want to be let down. I thought I wanted a boy because that is what I knew.... but God knew much better. He knew I needed a girl.  
So thanks God for doing the decision making in this situation and so many others!


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