Thursday, January 23, 2014

Life with a CRAZY person

Ya know, sometimes life just sucks, but what is worse is when there is no valid reason that I should be feeling this way. I mean on one hand sure... I am BIPOLAR, so is that not a valid reason?! What I mean, I suppose is that there are days like yesterday where everything seemed like a chore. I know we all have those days because, hello, women in general are over-scheduled and under planned. I just feel like yesterday I was a hot dramatic mess. I'm pretty sure when my husband asked me to print out some info for our taxes that he had no idea he was starting World War 3. It is so silly that I have days where something that literally is one click away on my computer screen seems way too distracting, and heaven forbid I take any time away from entering giveaways. It is an addiction people, I know! LOL.
Along with this stupid bipolar craziness I am pretty sure I am also PMS'ing this week, which is not the Erin anyone wants to hang out with. I did manage to go out for lunch with a friend of mine. It was refreshing, and I was proud that I didn't cancel. Usually when I have days like this I flake out on everything and everyone.{I was super ticked however, when I got back to my car after lunch only to find the two douches parked on either side were so close I had to crawl in through my back liftgate... oh no you di'nt!!"} I did back out of a business conference/meet up because I just didn't feel like seeing hundreds of happy people. I wanted to eat pizza and watch a movie with my family. Not productive as an entrepreneur, yet necessary as a human!!
On top of random episodes of tears and snapping at everyone who crossed my path today (sorry hubby and kids) I didn't workout and obviously as stated above... ate pizza for dinner. I feel like I am on a downward spiral heading straight toward never working out again. Someone stop me because I have to get into a swimsuit and feel comfortable this summer. No excuses!
I also looked at my blog and almost screamed. Why is it so difficult sometimes. Why have I somehow turned my venting space into a place that I use only on a scheduled time frame. That's just not me. Sure, I like link ups, and giveaways,  and planned posts, but my main reason for having a blog in the first place is to be able to vent. To just spew my thoughts across a page so that other people won't feel so alone in the challenges that they face. I want to connect with people that were teen moms, abuse victims,  facing challenges in their marriages, people struggling to parent "the right way" single moms. I want to share my life of surviving on an extremely tight budget, gaining a healthy relationship with food and exercise, and being bipolar.  
Most of all I want everyone to know that we are ALL these people in some aspect. We all have struggles, and issues and things we chose to hide because we are afraid of what people will think of us, or how they might judge us. So here is to reading more blog posts where people are real, I say it starts here.
Hi, my name is Erin, and I am bipolar, but I am just as "normal" as the rest of this crazy world.


Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

we all have our shit. i am prone to depression because after i had kayla, i went through a horrible depression for 2.5yrs that nearly took my life. i strive to keep all that shit at bay through a healthy lifestyle but there are days when everything turns to ass and i hate it and all i want to do is cry. those days are few and far between now because i've learned how to cope better but on weeks like this when i have fucked myself up somehow (muscles) and can't workout, i feel the blackness coming back. it's those days that scare me so i do what i can do get better fast and get back on track.

my routine is what keeps me sane. i never really knew that until all this started happening. i need my routine which is why it's so sacred to me. when this are not part of my routine, i get a little freaked out.

so take a breath and try to sit back and breathe deeply. even in the worst of times, sometimes that all we can do instead of doing what we want to do and freak the hell out.

Vodka and Soda

Kristine said...

Girl, I can relate... Being bipolar sucks :(

Neatly- Packaged said...

This is so beautiful that you shared your story :) Thank you! Oh, and if you like giveaways :) I am currently hosting one!

My name is Lydia said...

Haha, you sound perfectly normal to me :).

Raewyn @ Be A Warrior Queen said...

When I have days like this (and believe me, they come quite frequently!), I try to remember that it's okay. I always used to say "I'm a lot to handle as a person and in a relationship" and now I realize that that is apologizing for myself when I have nothing to apologize for. I have crazy thoughts and crazy moments, but so does every other person. Some may be worse than mine, some may not be as bad. I hope you get through this tough time and celebrate the little things (like not bailing on a friend and spending time with your loves!!)

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