Saturday, January 4, 2014

The TRUTH about marriage

Today is my beautiful sister in law's wedding day. I am beyond happy for her to enter this next stage of her life with her soon to be husband. While my own husband is in Puerto Rico walking her down the isle ( see what I did there... isle.... island.... Puerto.... ok never mind) in place of their father who passed a few years ago I got to thinking. Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is a blessing. Marriage is a choice, and most of all it is meant to be forever. The one thing I did not realize prior to my own wedding vows was how true that "marriage is a choice" part truly was.
Before I married my husband I was filled with excitement and anticipation for our future. I was thrilled for my son to have a dad again and for us to add to our family. I just knew we were perfect together and that God had blessed me with my ideal match in this man. I knew there would be tough times but I also knew that we were strong in our faith and would work through it together. I was right with all of these things and I would not choose to spend my life with anyone else... umm except maybe Tyrese... ok totally kidding. There were a few things however, that I wish I had truly understood.
Forever is a long time. I don't mean this in an "oh man I have to wake up to YOU everyday?" sort of thing, but rather in a "your life now completely involves another person, until the end" kind of way. From this moment on choices are not only your own, they will affect another human. It takes strength and integrity to make decisions wisely for more than just yourself. So grow up first.
Nobody else, not even your husband, will complete you. This job is ONLY fulfilled by God. If you feel inadequate, your husband can't fix you. If you feel insecure, your husband can reassure you but he will not make this disappear. If you are weak, he can lift you up, but he alone cannot make you strong. So love yourself first.
Words can be much more damaging. I'm talking from YOUR mouth too. If you vow to not speak of divorce, by all means NEVER start that fight, never have that option, and just never say that word. It can be hard. Even if you never imagined someone could make you mad enough to threaten it, even someone as amazing as your husband. There will be times that you get so frustrated it feels that word could so easily pour out of your mouth. It might feel like threatening divorce will make them see you are hurt and change. Don't take that risk. So watch your tongue.
Love is a choice, everyday. Love takes work. At first it comes so easy, but at times when your husband is weak and you want to be weak too you may need to call upon a strength you never knew existed. Don't expect an outcome to go a certain way or an apology to come just when you need it. It may never come. Find inner strength, and take it to God. You cannot be inside the mind of your man.  So chose to love everyday.
Lastly, no marriage is perfect. Facebook will make it look like perfect marriage exists. People will always make marriage look easier than it is. Even watching your friends with their husbands may spark a belief that what they have is something your marriage is lacking, this is false. Believing a perfect marriage exists will forever burden your relationship with a bar set so high that it is impossible to reach. This can make your marriage feel like failure, it is not. So never compare your marriage!!
 Even knowing all of these things now, we are still ( and I believe we always will be) a work in progress. Enjoy this day my beautiful sister, and pray over your marriage daily.


Kristine said...

Triple love this post! I have tough times with my boyfriend and yet walking away isn't an option for me because I know in my heart we're meant to be and I can't wait to see what our future has in store for us.

Jamie Vespa said...

This is perfect & wonderful! Thank you for sharing :)

Jamie @
The Growing Up Diaries

cpotts said...

Thenly thing I would have said differently was where you said, "So love yourself first." I would have said "So Love God first and use His love to make you, your love, and your marriage stronger."

Jamie @ You Gotta Have Hart said...

Oh wow! This "message" couldn't have come at a better time for me. My relationship is going through some of the craziest ups and downs. We seems to be beating our heads together one day and when we wake up the next we are struggling to figure out what we can do to patch things up because we both know that we can't live without one another. Thank you for this--- I actually put this in my journal and I want to reflect on this and really think about all that you have shared!!

Lisa Ellis Williams said...

You know you got my big AMEN! Thanks for sharing in a way that others can understand and relate. I am so glad that you are in my family and a true Wife On Purpose! I tell Jon that all of the time.

Raewyn @ Be A Warrior Queen said...

This is so beautifully written and I really think a lot of people don't think of all of these things. I have been trying my best to be mindful of these things while going into our marriage. Thank you for sharing!

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

I love what you said about not putting Divorce out there. I have seen and heard people threatening it in a fight and I think it just shouldn't be uttered unless it really is going to happen.

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